this is how i sleep every night. in your arms. a warm embrace. for 8 hours we’re the only 2 people in the world. i have no cares. no thoughts. no worries. i breathe you in. keep you inside me. when the alarm rings. it’s a crushing start of my day. i’m an emotional wreck. waking up alone. realizing you died 2 years earlier. seeing other couples makes me cry. hearing people laugh makes me jealous. everything i do reminds me of you. everywhere i go reminds me of us.
i maneuver mechanically and methodically through my day. with a fake smile. longing for night to return. the veil of darkness is my comfort zone. my emotional security blanket. as i prepare for bed each evening i grow excited. such anticipation. knowing my restful slumber will bring you back to me. day dreams are forced and fleeting emotional thoughts. a mere moment in time. real dreams. created by a deep sleep. seem to linger endlessly.
i grab my book and sink into the covers. it’s 10 pages. maybe 12. before i fall into a darkened existence. back in your arms again. your touch on my skin. your kiss on my lips. i never think of the reason you were taken from me. it’s just. just not important. i don’t blame. anyone. i don’t hate. any more. i maintain positive thoughts.
i haven’t tried to replace you as i’m not ready let you go. one day at a time. that’s what everyone told me when you died. stupid advice. one day at a time. idiots. i resented their guidance. pacifying me like a child. the funny part is. they were right. one day at a time is all you can do in grief. but i tell people one night at a time. day time is easy. busy with this. busy with that. no time to focus on the fact my heart has been ripped out.
only the night matters. alone in bed. when the discomfort arrives. the gloom overwhelms me. until my eyes close. and i fall asleep. and you reappear. and the darkness subsides. and the light seeps in. and we’re together. once again.
here. try a yellow bell pepper. it’s supposed to make your semen taste better.
and there it is. and now we’re done! with sad news we announce the completion of our 101 Platypus.photos!
a special thanks to the 3 people who followed us on instagram. 3 is more than 0 but 3 is less than 5. wait, we need to grab a calculator. yes. 3 is less than 5 (oddly 3 is more than 4). at the height of our Platypus frenzy we had 12 followers, then 2 (including our parents) then negative 47. that was weird. (someone also insisted we give them back the 10 minutes of their life we wasted) then 7. (us following ourselves 7 times) and ultimately to 3.
they say reaching 1 person was worth it. we reached 3. which is 4 more than 1 and 5 less than 4. but let’s round down to 3. (we don’t like to round up) as a point of reference the almighty queen of social media kim kardashian west has only 133 million followers and in a jealous rage may try to steal some of our followers but we’ll politely tell her the humbling experience of being outsocialized by a goofy platypus will only serve to bolster her career in the long run. (wait. 133 million is more than 3? are you sure?)
it was not a success. unless not gaining followers is a success. (we don’t say losing followers. we say we fired them. helps us sleep better) most followed us by accident. others from being sleep deprived or drunk. and most left when we kept posting 17 paragraphs of text on a platform for photos. the top line is (we don’t like the bottom line) your underwhelming support made us realize how many hours we wasted. if you missed any, go read them now. if you haven’t read any of our posts we suggest not starting. or go read them twice.
in happier news we just launched or Platypus app which is a compatibility rater for your date or mate. Platypus is the best compatibility app on the planet! it may just save your relationship. (might also make it worse).
all of us here at Platypus headquarters (booth # 7 at el pollo loco store #5737) thank you again. and we sincerely appreciate your appreciation. appreciously!