Platypus.photo #8
i love you carrot. i love everything about you. from your flowing green hair. to your sexy curves and orange body. i know i am a fruit. and you are a vegetable. perhaps that is what is so appealing. now the whole world must know about us.
they won’t understand the love we have. they will judge us. and perhaps, make fun of us. but i don’t care. i would rather be blended into a smoothie than hide my feelings for you any longer my crispy lover.
today we stand together. even if that becomes our downfall. kiss me carrot. kiss me and hug me and dance with me. tonight, we will live like there is no tomorrow.
Platypus.photo #168
60 years of marriage. they’re not still in love. they just hold each other up so neither one falls over.
Platypus.photo #34
true love = matching hats
Platypus.photo #26
girl: hi
boy: hi
girl: wanna bite of my apple? its red. like your shirt.
boy: sure. thank you.
girl: it would be funny if an apple was orange color.
boy: that would be confusing. an orange apple.
girl: hey. we have the same color hair.
boy: you’re good with colors. i like you.
girl: i like you too. can i have my apple back now?
Platypus.photo #57
not sure why they say dance like no one is watching. dance like everyone is watching. and live like everyone is watching. shake it. strut it. flaunt it. enjoy what you have. while you have it. over time. maybe it improves. maybe it gets worse. it doesn’t matter. cause your body is yours. enjoy it. embrace it. and everyone else will too.
if you feel like hiding. stand up. stand out. head up. chest out. be proud. many things in life, you cannot change. but you can always change. your own perception. of you.
Platypus.photo #37
him: who knew divorce could be so easy and fun.
her: i know. why does everyone complain about it?
him: hey honey, who gets the toaster oven?
her: remember we decided you get everything that plugs in.
him: oh right. you’re so sweet.
her: divorce is good for us. we’ve never gotten along so well.
him: i know. hey, you need any help with that?
her: no, i’m good. thanks for asking. you need help over there?
him: no, i’m good. thanks for asking.
Platypus.photo #19
and to think just 24 hours earlier his girlfriend threatened “if you really go on that ski trip tomorrow with your friends, i won’t be here when you get back.”
Platypus.photo #99
my greatest fear is i will pop into oblivion and lose you forever, but it’s that tangible excitement that makes me want to hug you even tighter. i know i’m full of helium but it’s our love that makes me lighter than air. passion has created an unlikely path for us be together. and when others poke fun at our awkward compatibility. our visual variance. our unconventional companionship. their mocking backfires. as it only fuels our desire. to be as one. and i’d rather love for days. than live for years.
Platypus.photo #56
him: ok close your eyes and guess what i got you for our anniversary.
her: oh my god. this is so exciting. does it fit on a finger?
him: well. it can fit around a finger. yes.
her: is it the wedding ring you couldn’t afford when we got married?
him: um, no. it’s more of something that goes in the air.
her: plane tickets to paris! cause we never got to go on a honeymoon!
him: no. no honeymoon. ok, it’s something fun you said no guy has given you before.
her: oh baby. i see where you’re going. is it a threesome with your sexy brother?
him: a what? heavens no. a 3way with my brother. seriously? why would you even think that?
her: ok forget i said that. this isn’t working so well, can i open my eyes now?
him: fine. here. happy anniversary.
her: sweetie. balloons. so cute. and colorful and full of. helium. i love them all. thank you.
him: you’re not, disappointed?
her: of course not. balloons. that’s all i wanted. so romantic. you’re the best of the best!
Platypus.photo #55
and the queen and her 2 beautiful princesses smiled and laughed and enjoyed every day together cause they had each other and they didn’t need a king or a prince to live happily ever after. the end.
Platypus.photo #66
him: konnichiwa. hi.
her: i love your hat.
him: arigato. thank you. i love your hat too.
her: salmon?
him: yes. tuna?
her: yes.
him: would you like to go on a date with me?
her: hai onegaishimasu. yes please.
Platypus.photo #72
look at those couples out there. with their mini vans. and their costco memberships. and their 9 to 5 jobs. they don’t know true freedom and happiness and adventure. come on baby. let’s get on our harley and ride into a tornado of passion and pleasure.
Platypus.photo #50
smile honey, selfie! good one. love it. hey this lemonade is fantastic. here try a sip. now let’s hold up our glasses. selfie! got it. ok now lets switch sunglasses. cool. that’s a good one. selfie! got it. so what should we do today after breakfast? oh there’s our waiter. ya, come here. we need a photo of all 3 of us. best waiter ever. stand behind us. ready? selfie! got it. thanks! oh, and can we get some more napkins please. thanks you’re the best.
hey we should rent bicycles or those other things on 2 wheels that you stand up and ride. oh my god it’s been 10 seconds. we need another selfie. here, sit on my lap, selfie! awesome. thanks sweetie. and get this. yesterday i was taking a selfie and this old creepy man offered to take my photo for me. and i said seriously dude. it’s a selfie not a photo. oh let’s feed each other pizza, ok, ya, awesome. ready. selfie! got it. shoot. my mouth looks bad, let’s do one more. selfie! got it. so much better. we look awesome together.
i was thinking for our wedding we give everyone cheapie cameras and they all take selfies all night long. then we put them in a selfie album. cute right? oh my gosh. look at that guy in the big hat. i’ll do a selfie and get him in the background. watch this, got it! i’m so good at selfies. grab your phone and we’ll get 2 selfies at the same time! ok now you selfie me taking a selfie of you taking a selfie of us together! fantabulous! we’re so freakin selfie cute i selfie love us.
Platypus.photo #106
4 out of 5 doctors agree the key to a successful marriage is taking a multi vitamin.
Platypus.photo #105
from the moment i brushed up against you, i knew you were special. you’re not full of plaque like most other girls. there is a radiant glow about you. i didn’t know i could feel this way without novocain. you fill me with happiness, like a composite resin fills a cavity. i feel a special bonding between us and i want to floss with you all day every day. it doesn’t take an xray or root canal to see you have a heart of gold. covered in enamel. i think i love you.
Platypus.photo #82
him: i love you.
her: i love you more.
him: i love you more than more.
her: how can you love me more than more?
him: cause there can always be more love.
her: then i love you more than more every day.
him: i love you more every minute.
her: i love you more every second.
him: hey, we don’t love each other too much do we?
her: of course not silly snuggle bear. we don’t even know what love is. we just say it over and over and over cause everyone else does and it makes us feel better about ourselves and our relationship.
him: hmmm. i guess you’re right. you’re so smart. i love you.
her: i love you more.
Platypus.photo #73
here daddy, i made it all by myself with tuna fish, mayonnaise and some of my tears cause I was sad you left me and mommy.