Platypus.photo #164 (covid-19 edition)
the good news. you did not test positive for the coronavirus. the bad news. our tests are still just 3% accurate.
Platypus.photo #137(covid-19 edition)
time to get creative.
Platypus.photo #220 (covid-19 edition)
hi everyone. sure, being stuck together can have chaotic challenges and never-ending drawbacks but when josh and i want to throw the other one down a flight of stairs, we massage each other’s feet. when we want to shove their head in the garbage disposal and turn it on, we snuggle on the couch. we take the thousand frustrations and zip them up and hide them away. zip zip. done. they say communicate with honesty. idiots. horrible advice. just keep a smile on your frustrated face. anywho, just some helpful quarantine love advice from josh and janet. your two (exhausted) covid compadres. adios!
Platypus.photo #221 (covid-19 edition)
hi everyone. we had a hard day today, i’m not kidding you. it was almost a double murder suicide. not my proudest moment and i never realized i had the sheer strength to lift an entire sofa over my head. that part was amazing! otherwise. i’m a little ashamed and shocked at a few things i said and did. i didn’t know i knew so many cuss words. it’s like sam kinison was channeling thru my body. they say don’t say things you can’t take back. horrible advice. our fight brought peace and tranquility. anywho. just some helpful quarantine love advice from josh and janet. your two (happy) covid compadres. adios!
Platypus.photo #222 (covid-19 edition)
hi everyone. today josh was so mad i thought his balls were gonna explode. and i was gonna rip his hair out, then my own. but we got thru it. they say when you’re mad go to your happy place. bullshit. horrible advice. go with it. have a hardcore pillow fight. run yelling down the street until you’re too exasperated to care anymore. then voila. back to normal. josh and i do this 7 times a day. every day. it’s therapeutic. And we’re starting to get turned on by it. after we threatened to blow up the other person with c4 explosives, we made love, it was hysterical. anywho. just some helpful quarantine love advice from josh and janet. your two (frustrated) covid compadres. adios!
Platypus.photo #68 (covid-19 edition)
although the centers for disease control is working 18 hour shifts, 7 days a week to crack the mysterious code of the world’s most dangerous and deadly virus, they didn’t want to let it interrupt their annual “bring your kid to work day.”
Platypus.photo #131 (covid-19 edition)
sorry boys. we can’t take a chance. donald, you ok? you look bloated. ronald, all good? any headaches? arnold, blink your eyes if you need anything. ok, 14 days then we re-evaluate. and don’t forget to wash your fins.
Platypus.photo #90 (covid-19 edition)
think i’ll try a workout for once. ok let’s do this! one and two and three. and... i’m done. whew! that was good cardio. just counting out loud is hard now. geez. luckily fear and panic burns way more calories than peace and tranquility.
Platypus.photo #92 (covid-19 edition)
maybe yoga instead of exercise. ok. breath in. breath out. holy shit. i can’t be calm. i’m a nervous wreck. all these stats and deaths and new cases. hand sanitizer is 99.99% effective so i have a .01% chance of getting a virus. is this how it starts? panic and light headedness. then flu symptoms. shit. i gotta lay down. i gotta buy a ventilator.
Platypus.photo #124 (covid-19 edition)
so this is what my patio looks like. not bad.
Platypus.photo #55 (covid-19 edition)
excuse me, which way is it to the coronavirus cruise line?
Platypus.photo #4 (covid-19 edition)
the quarantine was going really well for the smith family until one day on amazon they accidentally added a 3 pack of the coronavirus to their cart and had it delivered the next day – with free prime delivery of course.
Platypus.photo #911 (covid-19 edition)
cop: no entry.
citizen: hi officer.
cop: no.
citizen: but i only went for milk and i’m just trying to get home.
cop: no.
citizen: but i live there, behind you. it’s my home. where i live.
cop: sorry, not any more. we told you not to leave your house.
Platypus.photo #139 (covid-19 edition)
working at home? don’t forget to break and stretch your legs often, have ample work space and if you do video calls, don’t be afraid to exude confidence!
Platypus.photo #20 (covid-19 edition)
hey quarantiners. time to break out the trigonometry game! this ridiculously complex math emerged in the 3rd century bc with fascinating phrases like sine, cosine and tangent. so put down that pizza and pick up a slice of pythagoras' theorem. don’t ask why. just give it a try! and turn your brain into a mathematical medley of pain and confusion! *no refunds.
Platypus.photo #58 (covid-19 edition)
quarantined with a hot guy seems like a dream right? except he sleeps til noon, does 4 hours of sit ups, spends an hour in the bathroom shaving his body hair and lord knows what else, then we eat and watch tv before he texts friends and plays video games. i’m over it. anyone wanna trade boyfriends?
Platypus.photo #13 (covid-19 edition)
inside good. outside bad. outside is very very bad.
Platypus.photo #114 (covid-19 edition)
holy monarchy! that’s quite a defensive sign. clearly the uk means business. i sense it’s not a welcoming time to visit jolly old england.
Platypus.photo #99 (covid-19 edition)
guy: this was a very nice date, under the circumstances.
girl: i agree. let’s try again when the world is re-opened.
guy: goodbye kiss?
girl: heaven’s no.
guy: hug?
girl: still too risky.
guy: fist bump?
girl: you’re not wearing gloves.
guy: can i just wave to you?
girl: sure. but back up a bit. more. ok great. now you can wave.